Seriously?
by Darthrose
Summary: What would happen if some characters were tipped off the edge?


**Title:** Seriously?**  
Fandom:** Darker than BLACK**  
Characters:** Hei, Mao, Yin, Kirihara (and others)**  
Pairings:** Absolutely Random!  
**Rating:** K+  
**Summary:** What would happen if some characters were tipped off the edge?

**Warnings:** AU and OOC

**By:** _Crimson Essence_

**A/N: **So, the first chapter is actually a remake of 'Hei, Mao and the eighteen wheeler ramen truck'. And whether I will add more random parodies/comedies to this series of randomness is still undecided (despite the fact that I've written several summaries for other comedies. But those may be one shots of their own).

* * *

The day started out like any other day for our dear Bk-201. Sitting inside his small apartment, Li broke apart a pair of chopsticks before tucking into his supper; a bowl of steaming hot beef curry ramen. Taking in a deep breath, the raven haired male savored the authentic scent of herbs and spices that rose to greet him. That smell was one that he could never grow tired of. Ramen was delicious, but a bowl of _curry_ ramen was practically godsend and to him, could be eaten at any time of the day.

Dipping the wooden pair of chopsticks into the strong smelling liquid, the 'foreign exchange student' swirled the substances several times, mixing the noodles with the other ingredients. Snatching up several strands with his eating utensils the male popped them into his mouth and swallowed before continuing the process once again.

Once the noodles and beef had been devoured, all that was left was the soup and a few chunks of tofu and seaweed. In order to get to the soup, Sheng Shun Li put aside his chopsticks and tilted the bowl to his lips. As he did so, his mind began to wander to what his next mission would be and who he would have to kill that day. Due to the fact that he was buried in his thoughts, he subconsciously lifted the bowl higher and higher to slurp all of the soup up to the point that it looked like his face was covered with a mask, except that it was a ramen bowl. That was when he noticed something quite peculiar.

The lights were out.

'_Odd... what just..?Oh._'

That was when he finally realized that his face was stuck in the bowl.

At first he calmly tried to remove the dish from his face. After all, he had similar experiences such as this when he was younger. The trick was to remain calm and not panic. However, after several violent tugs at the edges of the bowl, panic he did. Ultimately, he had forgotten that his head was much smaller back then. Luckily for him, he remembered that the other trick was to use a hammer like his father did. Unluckily, he didn't have a hammer at the moment.

Li, who was starting to have trouble breathing, began searching frantically for a hard object on his hands and feet. The first thing he found was the wall. And use it, he did.

**Now I will pause and give you a few minutes to imagine what he went through…**

* * *

**-Enter Mao-**

Several minutes later, our favorite body-hopping feline friend leapt in through the open window. That was, after he had to forcefully rip it open with his almost nonexistent muscles, a rather awkward sight to behold. Although it wasn't locked, it was still pretty heavy for a cat. Struggling through the curtains along the way, fighting the natural cat impulse to claw at it, Mao made it.

"Hei! You were supposed to be at the insertion point ages ago. What are yo- Hei…? Are you ok?" Mao's demanding tone instantly altered into one of confusion and slight mirth seeing as his (usually) calm and composed friend was lying on his back with a bowl stuck to his face. Suppressing a chuckle, he hopped down from the windowsill. Sadly, as he did so, his foot was caught on one of the ledges causing him to trip and land '_gracefully_' –if gracefully meant landing on one's back in an awkward fashion, then yes, gracefully it is—beside his not so graceful companion.

Wincing as he struggled to his feet, the black cat let out an irritated groan as he stretched. Whoever said that all cats landed on their feet mustn't have met Mao. Then again, Mao wasn't really a cat in the first place. So, he clearly lacked those 'killer instincts'.

"Better stop packing those extra pieces of tuna."

That's when Li mumbled something that was muffled by his new 'mask'.

Pacing closer to the assassin, the cat leaned its body closer and perked up its ears. Clearly surprised by what he thought Li had said. "What'd you say? 'Get these pants off me?"

This time, Li shouted as loudly as he could, "Get this thing off me!" His voice reverberated in that ramen bowl, giving him a headache.

Knowing full well that his friend was currently blinded by the saucer, Mao tilted his head, feigning a look of confusion before speaking in a rather taunting tone, "How? From the imprints in the wall, I can tell you weren't very successful… And anyway, I thought you were pretty perverted."

That got to Li.

Shooting up from his position, the 'foreign student' switched from his usual, kind and peaceful demeanor to the cold, calculating Black Reaper; just clumsier and lacking that air of bone chilling fear. Then, he made a lunge in Mao's general direction. However, he missed by a clean foot. But what he did manage to tackle was the kitchen counter which was, by the way, made out of pure cement. Fortunately, the ramen bowl broke.

Unfortunately, Li was rendered unconscious.

* * *

**Several moments later…**

The continuous throbbing and the annoying buzz in his ears were near unbearable. As Sheng Shun Li forced his eyes open, he cringed at the sight on the singular ceiling light that hung directly above his head. The usually dim and dust covered light was unexpectedly bright that time. Although the annoying buzz in his ears grew louder, his mush of a brain slowly began to make out the noises as words. Mao.

"...ei, Hei! How many paws do I have, Hei?" Mao asked, waving one of his paws in Li's face.

Li, who was still in a daze, thought that he had heard fingers. With his blurry vision, he could only guess at the obvious answer which was, five. Sadly, that doesn't apply to cats.

"Five…?" he assumed in a dazed tone.

Almost immediately, Mao batted his partner's face with his right paw, twitching his tail side to side disdainfully as he began rant.

"Wrong! I'm a cat! I don't have fingers! I have four paws! What's wrong with you? Just because I'm an animal doesn't make me any less human than you are!"

* * *

**Another several moments later…  
**

"Umm, Hei? Do you think that we could talk this over; in a slightly more civilized fashion? Instead of dangling me over the, you know, the busiest intersection in Tokyo?" Mao asked nervously as he was held by the scruff of his neck; not the best place for older cats.

Li, now known as the Black Reaper since he was currently clad in his battle ready suit and mask, answered in a sarcastic tone, "I'll think about it... not."

On that happy note, Li released his grip, letting the cat fall a good five stories. After all, falling five stories isn't that much. It's not like he was trying to kill the cat or anything. Maybe just, permanently maim him…

After a few seconds of free fall, Mao landed; if not gracefully, safely, for the first time ever. Although a few cars had to swerve off the road to avoid him, some accidentally drove over the border; stopping after crashing into the oncoming cars on the opposite side. _'Oh well, sucks to be them,_' Mao thought to himself as he glanced at the wreckage to his right. Then, ignoring the carnage about him, Mao turned his attention back to Hei and shot his 'friend' a look as if to say 'Hah! Cats always land on their feet!' Then, just as he began to strut arrogantly off the street and onto the pavement, a pair of headlights fell onto him.

"Oh crap…"

Without slowing down, a car, unlike those who tried to avoid him, rolled over Mao mercilessly as if he were nothing more than a mere cat. Oh wait, never mind.

Anyway, what remained of Mao struggled to stand up. "You forget… cats… have nine lives…" he groaned, still struggling to stand up. When he looked up at Hei, he saw the Black Reaper staring into the distance. Slowly, Mao turned his head and saw an eighteen wheeler truck bearing down on him; blaring its horn down the highway.

Ironically, because it had eighteen wheels, and if you can't do the math, it had nine wheels on each side of it. But even more ironic, was the fact that it was carrying thousands of packets containing, yup you guessed it, ramen.

These were Mao's famous last words, "Why is an eighteen wheeler carrying ramen…?"

* * *

**Inside the driver's seat….**

"Man… just yesterday I ran over some blond dude carrying bags for his girlfriends… Life's so much different now that I've murdered a guy…" the driver said as he slurped up a packet of instant ramen, not really sounding regretful at all.

"I swear never to kill again," he said as he crossed his heart. That's when he noticed a small, furry black creature in the middle of the intersection with its eyes wide in horror and its mouth slack. The cat almost looked like it was talking to itself. Weird... But oh well.

"Hey look, a cat."

_**Thud! Thud! Thud! …Thud! Thud! Thud! …Thud! Thud! Thud!**_

_Silence…._

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**A/N: Don't worry about Mao, he's luckiest/unluckiest cat in the world. He survived.**

**But then... Define the word survive... **

**Read and Review! ^^  
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